


Dancing on my Own

by GreyHaven



Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: Drinking, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-17
Updated: 2017-03-17
Packaged: 2018-10-06 16:49:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10339626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreyHaven/pseuds/GreyHaven
Summary: Nathan gets drunk





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the Calum Scott song, Dancing on my Own
> 
> “I'm in the corner, watching you kiss her,  
> I'm right over here, why can't you see me,  
> And I'm giving it my all, but I'm not the guy you're taking home,  
> I keep dancing on my own”

It was a busy night in the Gull.  Audrey was finishing paperwork in the office and Nathan went to get himself some dinner.  He vaguely hoped Duke might be around to talk to, take his mind off things.  Today’s Trouble had been horrific and he needed to get drunk, try to forget.  It wasn’t his usual style but nothing about the day had been usual.

He sat at the bar, taking a menu and wondering if he could possibly have pancakes for dinner for a third night running.  He decided not and ordered a burger.

He sipped his beer slowly at first, then taking longer and longer swigs.  The need to forget was overtaking his need to be sensible.  Duke ambled over as he was on his third bottle.

“Bad day?”  He smirked.

“What makes you say that?”  Nathan asked.

Duke raised an eyebrow and gestured at the empty bottles in front of him.  “Because you’re on your third beer and your food hasn’t even arrived yet.”

Nathan glowered in response, put out that Duke had spotted that.

Duke raised his hands in mock surrender.  “Hey, I’m not judging, just an observation.  I’m a bartender, everyone pours their hearts out to us.”

Nathan took another long swig.  “Don’t think I’ll be doing that, just keep them coming.”  Not for the first time, he wondered how Duke could get under his skin so easily.  Well, no, he reasoned with himself, he knew perfectly well how and why Duke got under his skin, what he needed to work out was what he was going to do about it.

Duke nodded easily and slid another beer across the counter to Nathan.

It wasn’t long before his food was served, and Nathan devoured it quickly.

“Steady up, you’re supposed to be savouring that, not attacking it.”  Duke winding him up again.

“Fuck you, Duke.”  Nathan mumbled through a mouthful.

Duke laughed.  “Yeah, if you want.”  He smirked back.

Nathan just stared at him, wondering if Duke was flirting with him.

Eating killed the pleasant buzz the beer had given Nathan and he groaned slightly.  “Need something stronger,”  he asked Duke.

“You really are trying to forget, aren’t you?”  Duke poured him a shot of whisky.

Nathan twirled the glass on the counter before knocking it back in one.  Duke immediately poured him another and went to check on the kitchen.  Food service was finished and clean up was well underway, so he went back to the bar where he found Nathan staring sorrowfully at his empty glass.  He poured again.

“Anything you want to talk about?”  He knew it was futile, but Nathan really did look distraught.

“Fuck off.”  Nathan growled.

Duke raised his eyebrows and did just that.  He asked Tracy to cover the bar and said hello to the very attractive woman who had been making eyes at him all evening. He was flirting away when he noticed Nathan dancing.  If you could call it dancing.  It looked more like a frog in a blender, all arms and legs being thrown all over the place.  He turned his back, Nathan had made it perfectly clear he didn’t need Duke in his life.

Nathan watched Duke flirting, watched him move in for the first kiss, watched the couple move into a darker corner, the kisses more passionate now.  A pang of emotion struck him.  Why couldn’t Duke notice him like that?  Neither of them were gay, exactly, or maybe they just didn’t want to admit it, but they’d fooled around a bit as teenagers.  When Duke came back, he thought maybe they were adult enough to admit their feelings but they’d reverted straight back to their old habits of teasing and fighting.  He watched Duke leave with the woman, jealousy and regret filling him.  He walked back to the bar and asked Tracy for another shot of whisky.

“Nathan” a voice, behind him.  He span round on his seat, wobbling slightly.  He paused for a minute as the blurriness resolved itself and he realised Duke was standing in front of him.

“Duke” he slurred.  “You left.  With her.”

“I was walking her to her car.  You know, like a gentleman does.”

“I thought you were taking her home.”

“I was, she could tell my heart wasn’t in it.”

Nathan laughed.  “Beautiful woman like that and your heart wasn’t in it?”

Duke shook his head.  “Nope.  Someone else needs me more tonight.”

“You’d better go to them then”  Nathan slid off the barstool, his attempt at grace failing miserably as he ended up in a heap on the floor.

Duke laughed at him.  “Come on, you’re in no fit state to drive, let’s get you home.”  He reached out and helped Nathan up.

Nathan yanked his arm away.  “No, I can walk, you said someone needs you, I don’t.”  It came out more sharply than Nathan really intended.

“Nate, you really are an idiot sometimes.  I meant you.  Let’s go.”

Duke drove Nathan home and manoeuvred him through the front door and into the bedroom.  Nathan had lost the ability to speak or think coherently.  Duke carefully undressed him, he knew Nathan wouldn’t be able to feel his clothes digging in, but he wanted to make sure he wasn’t doing any damage to himself.

He pulled the covers over him and turned out the light, preparing to leave.

“Duke?”  Nathan slurred.  “Don’t go.”

“Get some sleep, Nate, you’ll feel better in the morning.”

“Not what I meant.  Stay.  With me.  Want you.”

“You’re drunk, I’m not going to take advantage of you or do something you’ll regret when you sober up.  Sleep it off, if you still want to tell me that when you wake up then we’ll talk again.” 

“It’s always been you, Duke, want you to know that.”

“It’s always been you too, Nathan.  Sleep well.”  Duke bent in the dark and planted a kiss on Nathan’s cheek before turning and leaving.

Nathan smiled in the darkness.  He wasn’t as drunk as he was pretending to be.  He and Duke had a lot to talk about.


	2. Dancing with you

Duke prowled around the Rouge restlessly. Nathan drinking? Dancing? Confessing...well ok, he wasn’t EXACTLY sure what Nathan had been saying, he just knew that it wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have with drunk Nathan. He tidied as he prowled, moving books and bottles from one place to another, trying to get some sense of order back into his mind. Would Nathan even remember what he’d said in the morning? Oh God, would he remember Duke’s reply? Duke pushed a bottle back into place too hard and it broke, shards of glass raining everywhere, whisky dripping. He swore and started to clean up.

Giving up on cleaning, because apparently he was making more mess than he managed to tidy up, he flung himself down on the bed and tried to sleep. Sleep wasn’t going to come easily, his mind whirling. God, why was he like this? It had never been like this before. Romance, sex, it always came so easily to him. This was different. “It’s always been you, Duke.” Nathan’s words echoed through his head. Could Nathan possibly have meant what Duke thought he meant? Had they spent the past God knew how many years being complete IDIOTS? It was dangerous to let himself hope that, he wouldn’t let himself. Nathan had had a bad day, got drunk and projected his feelings for Audrey onto Duke. That was it. Duke fell asleep easily once he’d worked that out.

He dreamed that night, dreamed of Nathan, dreams he wouldn’t remember in the morning when he woke, tangled in the sheets, sweat pouring off him in waves, not feeling remotely rested. Whatever this was, he knew he had to sort it out, even if it was just to clear the air.

**

Nathan woke early, as was typical for him. The advantage of his Trouble meant that hangovers were no longer an issue, but he could smell the alcohol seeping out of his pores and reasoned that he shouldn’t be in charge of a car, let alone a weapon. He picked up his phone from the bedside table and sent a text to Audrey.

6.44am - Taking a day off, call if you need me

His phone pinged shortly after.

6.46am - Everything OK?

6.47am - Yup, had a few too many last night, not risking coming to work like this

6.48am - I’ll swing by later, give you a lift to pick up your truck

Nathan hesitated before replying, not wanting Audrey to know where his truck was, what he’d been doing last night. Not that he’d really been doing anything but...oh God, he remembered dancing. What if Duke had taken a video? He would just love blackmailing Nathan with that.

6.50am - Don’t worry, I’ll sort it out. Thanks though.

Nathan was up and about by just after 7. He stared at the paper, not really taking it in, wondering how early would be too early to go and see Duke. He knew Duke would never have said what he did if he thought Nathan would remember, would never have kissed him if he hadn’t believed Nathan was drunk enough to forget. He wondered if he’d overstepped. Duke wouldn’t take kindly to being manipulated like that, how was he going to explain that yes, he had been drunk, but not THAT drunk. Just drunk enough that he’d wanted to tell Duke what he felt, not drunk enough for an outright conversation.

A knock at the door startled him. He made his way across the room and opened it, not looking to see who it was.

“Parker,” he nearly shouted, “I said I was taking a day off, this had better be urgent!”

“I can come back later?” Duke’s voice answered him, waving a coffee carrier and a brown paper bag at him.

Nathan just stared. Duke didn’t DO mornings, what was he doing here?

Duke pushed past him, making his way to the kitchen, leaving Nathan no choice but to follow.

“I know you don’t get hangovers, but I still thought coffee and pancakes might be appreciated,” Duke said as he went. “Day off? That’s not like you. Should I call a doctor?” Duke joked.

Nathan rubbed his stubble. “No, just decided I wasn’t in a fit state this morning because, you know, alcohol.”

Duke grinned. “Yeah, I do know.”

Nathan’s thoughts still hadn’t completely untangled themselves. Duke, in his kitchen, being thoughtful, being domestic, after what he’d said last night. He blew on the coffee, wondering if it was cool enough to drink.

“It’s fine, I checked it before I got out of the truck.” Duke told him.

That puzzled Nathan even more. Duke had checked the temperature of his coffee? The Duke he was used to would have found it funny if he’d burnt his mouth on it. He looked out of the window. And Duke had brought the Bronco. Yeah, OK, this was weird and not at all what he’d been expecting.

Duke piled pancakes onto a plate and pushed it towards Nathan. It might be odd to some people, but this is what he did. He made sure that no one went hungry, used food as a way to show people he cared. It was only a small thing, but it meant the world to him. He smiled, watching Nathan dig into the pancakes.

“Oh my God, so good,” Nathan mumbled through a mouthful of pancake. He swallowed. “You are going to have to give me the recipe.”

“Yeah, no. That,” Duke pointed at the pancakes for emphasis, “that is an old family recipe and you do NOT want to know what I had to do to get it.”

Nathan raised his eyebrows, questioningly.

“No, you really don’t,” Duke smirked.

Nathan nodded. “Ok, just put it on the menu at the Gull, I’ll come for breakfast every day.” He was pleased to see Duke grin in response.

“That, I can do. But they taste better from my kitchen,” he winked.

Nathan swallowed hard, wondering just what Duke was insinuating. As he ate, he watched Duke pottering round the kitchen, admiring his grace, the ease of his movement, the confidence he exuded. He sighed, lightly, not wanting Duke to notice. 

Duke folded his long frame into the chair opposite Nathan, his nerves jangling. This had seemed like such a good idea, but now he was here he wasn’t so sure. Seduction, he could do. Making sure people were warm and well fed, he could do. Keeping the alcohol flowing, he could do. Friendly banter, flirtation, that was all fine. Somehow he didn’t think any of those was going to work right now.

It was Nathan who broke the silence. Summoning up every ounce of courage he owned, wishing for some dutch courage to help him along, he spoke. “I’ve been an idiot, Duke, and I’m sorry.”

Duke cast his eyes down to the table, not wanting to look Nathan in the eye as he replied. “You being an idiot is something I take for granted, but I’m not sure what you’re apologising for.” He immediately regretted saying it, not wanting to hear those words coming from Nathan, not wanting to hear that Nathan hadn’t meant anything he’d said last night, not wanting to hear that Nathan didn’t even remember saying them. He steeled himself for the response.

“Well, you need a constant in your life, me being an idiot might as well be one of them,” Nathan paused and took a deep breath, “I was apologising for everything. For hiding, back then. For letting you go when I should have fought. For treating you like crap ever since you got back.”

Whatever Duke had been expecting, that wasn’t it. He was stunned into silence for a moment, and that didn’t happen often. He looked up, finding that Nathan was staring at the table, fiddling with a napkin, tearing it into shreds. He reached out and took it from him, leaving his hand upturned on the table.

Nathan stared at Duke’s hand. It looked as if Duke was waiting for him to take it. His instinct was to draw away, tuck his hands back under his armpits, stay defensive, as though his body language could hold all of his feelings in. Because he did have feelings damn it, he just wasn’t good at expressing them. He fought the instinct, fighting against everything he knew about who he was, and took Duke’s hand, wanting that contact, even though he couldn’t feel it, wanting to convey everything to Duke in one simple touch.

“Nate,” Duke said, gently. Nathan looked up in response, staring into the deep, dark, pools which were Duke’s eyes, taking in the easy smile, the open honesty etched onto his face. “I’m as much to blame as you are. I tried to push you into being out in the open, I’m the one who left. You were angry when I came back and I couldn’t blame you. I wanted you to hate me, for what I did, I couldn’t forgive myself, why would I expect you to? So I kept giving you reasons to hate me. It was...easier.” He trailed off, lamely, dropping Nathan’s gaze, embarrassed by his own admission.

Nathan nodded, he understood that. The fighting, that was easier than this conversation. They’d been friends, once. Until Nathan’s dad had chased Duke off, after the incident with the tacks, warned him to stay away. Once he was older, Nathan had sought out Duke, wanting his friend back, only to find that teenage hormones were running riot and friends wasn’t enough. They were little more than kids, scrawny 16 year olds, and it hadn’t got very far, but Nathan could still remember the warmth of Duke’s skin against his own, the feel and taste of him on his lips.

He knew he had to break the silence, to ease Duke’s discomfort, but he had no idea what to say. “The hating, the fighting...that was easier for me too.” 

It had started back then, Duke not caring what the town thought, knowing he was already “bad news” in the eyes of the people who lived in this small town, wanting to be open, wanting to be out, eventually putting an end to things when he got frustrated with Nathan’s refusal. They were back to being enemies.

Until that one night. Nathan had just turned 21, Duke a few months older. Duke had come to Nathan, barged his way through the door without a word, and kissed him strongly. He had been drunk and there was no finesse to his words. He’d told Nathan that he was leaving on the Rouge in the morning, that there was room for both of them, they could be together, away from the eyes of this town, free from judgement. Nathan had refused, point blank. He couldn’t leave. He wanted Duke to stay, but he couldn’t say that. Just a flat out no. Duke had left, not even saying goodbye.

When he came back, 10 years later, the resentment had been simmering in both of them and it spilled over. The barbed words, the thrown punches, the cutting remarks. It all went back to when they were kids. God, they had been idiots.

“They say it’s easier to hate than to love. I do, by the way. Love you, that is. I mean, I have no idea where this conversation is going, but you need to know that.” It took every ounce of strength Duke possessed to say those words, terrified of the response. However Nathan answered him, he wasn’t sure he was ready to hear it. 

Nathan’s heart gave a little lurch at that. Those words that he’d never expected to hear from Duke. He squeezed Duke’s hand, hoping he wasn’t squeezing too hard, studying Duke’s face carefully for any hint of pain. “I don’t know where this conversation is going either, but I love you, and if you’re going to leave again, if either of us die in this fucking town, I want you to know, to hear it from me. We don’t ever have to speak of it again, but I couldn’t leave it unsaid.”

“Not going anywhere, Nate, I’m back for good.” Duke closed the gap between them, pulling Nathan to his feet, drawing him close. He reached out, making sure Nathan could see his hand, and stroked it gently across Nathan’s jaw, tilting his head. Nathan closed the small gap between them, the muscle memory from years ago taking over. He inhaled sharply as their lips touched, tasting coffee and pancakes on Duke, smelling salt water, soap and an undercurrent of whisky. He briefly wondered if Duke had also been drinking last night, then all of his thoughts were obliterated as Duke pulled him closer, deepening the kiss.

For Duke, it was like coming home after a long day. It was so easy, so right, so comfortable. God, how he had missed this. He was full of regret for the wasted years, wanting to convey everything in this one kiss. If it never happened again, he wanted to make it memorable, he wanted to make it mean something.

They drew apart, both feeling awkward now, staring at their feet and shuffling slightly. Duke gave an embarrassed laugh. “Sorry, Nate, I didn’t mean to jump you like that. I’ll, erm...I’ll go, leave you to your day off.” He made for the door.

Nathan was startled at that. He reached out and, with fumbling fingers, found the back of Duke’s shirt. “Stay. I’m stone cold sober and I am asking you to STAY. I am NOT letting you walk away again.” He pulled Duke back, wrapping his arms tight around him, refusing to let the other man leave.

“Ok, ok, Nathan, I’m staying, but breathing would be good too, you know.” Duke said with a smile.

Nathan let him go, smiling back, wondering what was next.


End file.
